piles of sand

You're walking along a beach. You bend down, and scoop up a large pile of sand in your hands.. You loosen your fingers, until slowly, the sand begins to slip through your fingers, and falls back into the shore, to its source.....

So many times, I find myself unwilling to let the sand fall back in place. I won't loosen my fingers, I keep a tight grasp on what is not my own.

There are things that we all hold on to tightly. Things that don't necessarily make us happier, or make us better. But things that we are so attached to, that we're afraid to let go of. Afraid that letting go means losing a part of ourselves....

I've come to discover something about myself this past month. When I'm busy, I find it easy to let the sand slide through my fingers. As I run from one activity to another, it seems simple to let go of one handful of sand, and to go grab another. My mind becomes so preoccupied with the next activity, that it doesn't pain me to let the present one slip away. I don't even have to think about it.

However, I've realized that being busy has become a mask. A way for me to put my focus and energy on the tasks that are before me, and to take it off of the things that unsettle me. When my schedule slows down, and I am surrounded by quietness and stillness, I am not wearing a mask.

I have time to think, to process... sometimes too much time.

There are things, (lately something in particular,) that I need to let go of. Piles of sand that I need to let slide through my fingers, back to its source. When I'm running around crazy, doing what I do best, being busy, I actually make myself believe that I've let go, that I've moved on. I become too busy to notice the sand that still lies in my tightly clutched fist.

I came to the realization that I will never be able to let go of that sand, until I truly, sincerely want to. Even though I often wish I wasn't carrying around the sand, that means nothing unless I want to let it go.

By holding on to one pile of sand, I am unable to pick up another pile. I won't be able to enjoy the blessings that I presently have surrounding me if I hang on to the past.

So, that's where I stand... I'm on the beach, looking down at a fist full of sand. I'm loooking at the grains compiled of memories and longings...

I loosen my fingers, until slowly, the sand begins to slip through my fingers, and I watch it fall back onto the shore, to its source.

I loosen my grip, and let the memories and dreams fall into the hands of my Lord.

Now, I can walk the shore, with open hands, and fully enjoy the blessings that surround me..