Footprints I Am Making

I will never be alone

2011-07-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

Here's the lyrics to a new song that I wrote today:

I Will Never Be Alone

Oh Lord,

I’m weary, broken. I need Healing. I can’t do this all on my own. I’m weak and tired, I don’t want to be alone.

But you’re with me. You heal me. You give me strength to make it through. You show me what I need to do. Oh Lord, fill me with peace and your grace. Help me to seek your face. I need you.

Oh Lord,

I’m falling, so fast. It’s appalling. Two steps forward and one step back. It’s so hard to stay on track

But you’re with me. You heal me. You give me strength to make it through. You show me what I need to do. Oh Lord, fill me with peace and your grace. Help me to seek your face. I need you.

Oh Lord,

I come before you. Humbled, I adore you. I can’t do this all on my own. I love you Lord, and I will never be alone

Cuz’ you’re with me. You heal me. You give me strength to make it through. You show me what I need to do. Oh Lord, fill me with peace and your grace. Help me to seek your face. I need you.

MariAnne Williamson

2011-05-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Climbing Back Up the Mountain

2011-04-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

I simply love the moments when God directly reveals to me exactly what I need to hear!

Yesterday, I had a lacrosse game. It was an important game, because it determined who we would play first in playoffs this weekend. As a goalie, i feel a lot of pressure to play flawlessly, because if I mess up, the scoreboard shows it. The game was turned in to an uphill battle when it started to hail and snow, and became quite windy. It was miserable weather to be outside in. To make matters worse, I could not find my game. I was trying to mentally stay in it, but I was having a terrible game. I felt distanced from it emotionally and physically. Finally, in overtime, I got my act together and started to stop the shots coming at me. My team played awesome throughout the whole game! We pulled ahead and won during overtime..

This morning we were supposed to play our first game of playoffs. When I woke up, I prayed that God would speak to me through my devotions. He did.

The devo for today out of "my utmost for his highest" by Oswald Chambers put in to words what I needed to hear. It gave me a new mindset and perspective for games like yesterday, and for life when the circumstances aren't matching up to what I'd like them to be.

Let me try to sum up the devo: We all have moments when we feel we are at the top of our game. We're standing on top of the mountain and feel better than ever before... ready to face whatever the world is going to bring our way. But we are not meant to live forever in moments like this. When we are not on the top of the mountain, it can be so easy to shut down. But Chambers writes, "yet we must bring our everyday life up to the standard revealed to us on the mountaintop when we were there." When we are feeling defeated, down, or unable, it is easy to say "oh how wonderful it would feel to be on that mountain top again." but that is not going to get us there! When we are longing for the mountain top experience, hopeful wishing won't get us there. We must act! "we must pick ourselves up by the back of the neck and shake off our fleshly laziness. Laziness can always be seen in our cravings for a mountaintop experience." We need to learn how to live our every day, plain, "gray" lives in light of what we've learned when we saw when we were atop the mountain.

So when I face games like yesterdays, or days where I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up on what I'm doing, I can take encouragement from this. Every day is not supposed to be easily conquered. I've had good days, and can use the strength from those good days to help pull myself up on the "gray" days. I can choose to kick my laziness, doubts, and pessimism out the door and to replace it with hard work, determination, and optimism.

Waking Up on the Right Side of the Bed

2011-03-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

Some days, I just want to stay under my covers and pretend like there aren't classes to be attended, tests to be taken, practices to be at, work to do, conflicts to sort out... Satan likes to get inside my head and tell me I'm weak, and that I don't have the strength I need to get through my day or whatever task is before me. My mind gets diverted from the end goal by the distractions to my left and right. When my focus is sidetracked, every aspect of my life seems much more cloudy.

I hate feeling pessimistic about life. I know that there is so much for me to be thankful for, yet sometimes it can be difficult to climb out of the self-pity pit. When sitting in this pit, life loses its colorfulness. Everything becomes a bland shade of gray. I can imagine that Satan just loves when I'm in this mood.

There are different ways to rise above this bleak dreary pit. It requires an intentionality; a decision to look on the bright side. It requires a perspective change. In their song Perspectives, Kutless writes "why can't you see freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away? Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment, would you still be the same?" It requires surrender of selfishness and pride, and a reliance on God to provide and help us get through each day, each task, as it comes.

No matter what the world or Satan tries to tell us, we are not powerless. We are where we are for a reason and for such a time as this. We need to keep an eternal perspective and keep our eyes on the end-goal and run our race of life in such a way as to win the prize. (1 Cor 9:24)

Here is a verse that's been a huge encouragement and a great reminder to me lately of what my perspective should be when I rise each day:

Romans 8:37-39 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Happily Ever After...

2011-03-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Fairytales and Princess Stories, Romance Novels, and many Romantic movies portray a type of love that many would today deem as unrealistic or make-believe. The Happily Ever After endings seem to be fanciful and intangible.

In today's culture, divorce rates are sky-high. Dating seems to becoming more and more a thing to simply fill in the gaps for a short while, until it's no longer convenient or new and exciting. The words "I Love You" are overused and undervalued.

I believe our culture has accustomed us to believe that love comes and goes with our emotions. That it's subjective. I'd begun to lose hope throughout the years of the possibility of someday finding that Happily Ever After, Till Death do us Part, kind of love.

However, my hope was reset when i was working at the nursing home: There is a lady in her upper 80s who recently moved in to our nursing home. She is a very pleasant woman and is with it mentally, but her body is failing her. She fatigues very easily. (I will call her Mae) The nurse told us that Mae's husband wanted her to lay down. My coworker and I went to find her so that we could help her lay down. Her husband was visiting with her. (I will call him Eddy) Eddy gets around on a motorized scooter. He still lives at their home, but comes in every day to visit his Mae. Mae, in her wheelchair, was facing Eddy in his scooter. Eddy had Mae's hand in his and was speaking softly to her when we approached them.

He looked up from Mae when we asked him if he'd like us to lay her down. "I think that'd be a great idea."--was his response. I put my hands on Mae's wheelchair to bring her towards her room. Eddy looked up at my coworker and I and said, "you girls take good care of my Mae. I just love her so much." We assured him we would take good care of her. My coworker asked Eddy if he'd like to kiss Mae goodbye. He said, "well I almost forgot the most important part!" he drove his scooter nearer to the side of Mae's wheelchair. They both leaned in and he gave her a sweet, long kiss. Mae smiled and said "see you next time dear." Eddy told her he'd be back the next day and began to drive away. Mae called after him in her weak voice, "Goodbye Babe!" Eddy stopped his scooter, looked at his wife, and said, "I love you Mae."

This example of life-long love gave me so much peace and hope! I think this could be a great example for our world to see. Our culture may be advertising a temporary, superficial love, but that isn't the only option. I know life wasn't always easy for Eddy and Mae, but their "happily ever after, till death do us part" love carried them through. This is the type of love that is worth giving away your heart for and being vulnerable for.

Holding on to Firsts...

2011-03-09T20:49:00.000-08:00

Firsts are exciting.

First steps. First day without a diaper. First day of school. First sleepover. First basketball game. First crush. First pimple. (okay maybe that wasn't so exciting) First date. First hand-hold. First day of college.... you get the picture.

We are continually facing new firsts. Though they can be intimidating, they are simultaneously exhilarating. I remember being so eager to go to my first day of school! I would've liked to go a year sooner than was allowed if I could've! I thought I was so ready to face that first day. And now, here I sit in a college library.. still in school. Don't get me wrong, these past 13 years of school have been great. But I don't think I realized as an eager 4-year old what a first day of school meant... a thousand more days of school.

Firsts are great things, when the time is right. One of the greatest things about firsts, is that we can never get them back. On the other hand, this could be a tragic thing as well. Some firsts are unavoidable. The first day of school had to come. It was just a matter of time until that first pimple appeared.

But some firsts happen within our control. Granted, they will most likely happen eventually, but they are often all the sweeter and more valuable if we take our time and don't be too eager for that "first" to happen.

Recently, as i was talking to a friend, we were talking about some recent firsts in our lives. I expressed my longing to have the day of a certain first come. My friend quite wisely put me in my place. She said, "Don't rush it. Wait. You can never have that first again."

That made me stop instantly and consider the value of some firsts. They will truly only be firsts once. I decided that I'm going to let the firsts happen as they must, and I'm going to be picky about letting the firsts happen which I can control. I want to have my first at its full value, and never have to regret it, or question myself about it.

I'm holding on to my firsts.

2011-02-23T16:44:00.000-08:00

If we get too wordy, people will lose interest.

But if we don't share a word, people may never be interested.

If we get too busy, people will think they aren't worth our time.

If we don't stop and look someone in the eyes, they'll think we aren't listening.

If we don't listen, people may stop talking.

If we don't say what needs to be said, people may never hear it.

If people never hear what needs to be said, they may lose hope.

If people lose hope, it's going to be all the harder to reach them.

Without hope, it's easier and easier to fall in to a soundproof dark pit.

I'm finding it's really hard to know what to say sometimes. When friends are in that seemingly soundproof dark pit, I have told myself I don't know how to reach them. But I realized today, that all I have to do, is share a word, and be willing to stop and listen. All I have to do is let them know I am interested, so that they don't lose hope and stop talking. I tell myself I don't know what to say, but really, I know all to well what to say. It's getting the courage to say it that's the hard part. I don't need to have the "right words" all the time to begin to share a word.

But if I don't step out in love, and be there for her, who will? If i don't let her know I'm interested in her life and that I am here for her, where will she turn? Commitment, Vulnerability, and Accountability.... friendship...

My February 2011 Challenge

2011-02-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

I am a Christian, and I am not ashamed of calling myself a Christian. I firmly believe that Christ is the giver of my joy and the foundation to my peace. I look around in my life and can count so many blessings that He has showered me with. When I look at the trials I have faced, I can see how he upheld me and gave me the strength I needed to persevere.

Even though I don't doubt the existence or power of God, I still fall in to the trap of living a "blah" life. I go through the motions of my daily routine, without giving much thought to why I do things, or what the purpose is of me living this life, with this schedule, surrounded by these friends.. I get sucked in to the power of the media.

Sometimes, i'm sitting on my computer, realize I'm on facebook, and don't even remember signing on to the site! (sad, i know..) But that is how much of a robot I have become to my schedule.

I've heard that what we value most, is what we put the most time in to. When I was thinking of what I valued, a list of things popped right in to my mind: living a life that pleases and honors God, family, friends, school..... These were at the top of my list. But then when I looked at how I've been rationing my time, I had a new list: facebook, homework, mindless surfing of the internet, keeping up with friends....

But really, the way I was giving time to these things, was not how I wanted my values to be prioritized! My relationship with God has definitely felt the brunt of my mixed-up priorities. I try to pray constantly throughout the day, and do my devotions and write in my prayer journal right before bed. But honestly, right before bed, my focus is always waning and I am not truly able to keep a straight thought-process going.

In church yesterday, Pastor Clausen was going through his sermon series about being made Righteous before God. He closed by challenging us to take seriously anything that was getting in the way of spending time with God, of getting to know God, and of drawing near to God. He challenged us to get rid of that distraction for the rest of the month of February. Facebook came to my mind right away. I wondered how many hours I spend on facebook a week, not even doing anything productive or necessary. I thought about how tired I am and how hard it is for me to do devotions at night.

I accepted the challenge, and am fasting from facebook. Instead of spending many unproductive hours on facebook and dozing off during devotions at night, I am going to spend the time I would be on facebook doing other things. I'm going to use this time to read my Bible, finish reading "don't waste your life" by John Piper, going through a devotional book, and writing in my prayer journal.

I started this challenge with 21 days left in February. It just so happens that studies have shown that it takes about 21 days to make a habit. Coincidence? maybe, but I think not :)

I'm so excited to see how changing my priorities is going to change the way I look at life, react to life, and think about life!

fear vs faith

2011-01-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” --Mary Manin Morrissey

f-e-a-r... fear.

It's a word that I don't like to bring up very often. Because by doing so, I admit I have a weakness, an inadequacy. Yet, fear is something that every one of us has to wrestle with.

Fear has a consuming power. It can become like a disease... slowly growing and gaining strength. It can affect our dreams, our hopes, our personality and our joy. The disease can take us out of the life we should be living--if it goes untreated.

Thankfully, there is a cure. Faith.

Fear is legit. It's there for a reason. Things in life can potentially go bad. We can get hurt. Things don't always go as we plan. So, this point made, we have 2 choices: 1) we can let the fear control us and constantly worry about the worst happening.. or 2) we can recognize the potential pain, but live in light of the greater good.

When we focus on the bad and worry about the "what-ifs" we miss out on the good that is present around us. It can make us miss out on what is truly important.

That makes for a miserable life. I don't want to block my dreams, my hopes, and my joy because I let my fear grow bigger than my faith.

I need to daily swap my fears for faith.

We all have fears. But we can all have faith.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”--Ambrose Redmoon

some simple encouragement and reminders

2010-10-18T17:04:00.001-07:00

We can easily manage if we only take each day the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burdens over again today, and then to add the burden of tomorrow before we are required to carry it. --john newton

If you fill your todays with a lot of tomorrows, all you'll be left with in the end is a lot of empty yesterdays. --rick meyer

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? --Matthew 6:25-27

Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 4:6-7

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. --Matthew 11:28

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. --Matthew 7:7-8

just look around...

2010-09-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am filled with joy... It's spilling out. I can't help but smile, and I just want to sing...

I don't always feel this way. But oh how wonderful would it be if I could figure out how to turn my frown upside down and smell the roses every single day...

I realized that if I just look around me, I can count so many blessings that God has placed in my life, even the little joys in life look so much grander when you see that they are a blessing. I told one of my college friends tonight that I was super happy and so excited to see God at work in my life. He turned around and asked me to tell him the ways that God has blessed me today. (how cool of a question is that?!) Here was my list for today:

1) I was in a rollerblading accident last week and was scraped up pretty badly. It's been hard to sleep, shower, and walk. But every day, my wounds are healing more and getting more bearable. Thank you Lord for helping me to get my rest, healing my wounds, and letting me wear jeans today for the first time since my little accident!

2) I have amazing roommates here at Bethel. We get along so well and they are becoming great friends! I met some awesome new friends this weekend. They walk right along side me in my faith. Thank you Lord for bringing my roommates and new friends and I together. Every bout of laughter, each adventure we go on, and the new friends I'm continuing to meet are such a blessing.

3) I have been chosen to be on Nelson's worship team. There are 7 people in my group and we had our first group meeting tonight. We chose some songs, and prayed as a team. I have a strong feeling that God is already at work and has great plans for Nespers this year. I am so pumped to be a part of this plan! Father thank you so much for allowing me this opportunity, for allowing me to join with my dorm in worship and giving us the freedom to do so. I am so excited to see what you are going to do through our team and the other worship team. Please shine through us and prepare the hearts of our team and those who will be coming to Nespers.

4) My brother lives on campus and I got to see him today. This may seem like a little thing to be thankful for, but I am so blessed to have the siblings I do. Zach has helped me through so many situations and has been my advisor and friend. I am so grateful for this year we get to share at Bethel! Lord thank you for the friendship that Zach and I share. Thank you for his support, guidance and encouragement. He's been such a great example to me. I pray that you would continue to bless him and work in his life. Thank you for my family!

5) Classes are hard and can be so stressful, but I've had enough strength to get through each day, each test, and each lecture. I am not always satisfied with my test results, but that just shows me where I need to work harder and what I need to study more. Lord thank you for giving me enough strength for today. I'm so grateful that I don't have to worry about tomorrow, because you will be just as real tomorrow as you are today.

This is just the beginning of the list of blessings I can see... I don't think I would have been so aware of God's constant presence had I not taken the time to look around me. I would challenge others to do the same. God's blessings are EVERYWHERE! just look around...

Manna

2010-09-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

In Exodus 16, the Israelites were wandering in the desert, two and a half months after being set free from Egypt. They were grumbling and complaining against Moses and Aaron for bringing them in to a hot, dry desert without food and water. They even said they would have rather died in Egypt!

God had delivered them from slavery, performed the 10 plagues, parted the Red Sea, and kept them well thus far. Wouldn't you think they would've been able to trust God for his provision at this point?

But isn't that how we all often are? We witness God's provision one day, and grumble and stress over something being too much to handle the next day.

But the story goes on...

God heard their grumbling and spoke through Moses to tell the Israelites that He would rain down bread from Heaven and that they were to take only what they needed for that day--and no more.

In the morning, the ground was covered with dew. "When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was. This is where the word "manna" came in to use. "Manna" means "what is it?"

Moses said to them, "It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat. ¹⁶ This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Each one is to gather as much as he needs. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.' " (vs 14-16)

Some of the Israelites listened, and only took what they needed for that day. But others hoarded and hid extra manna among their belongings. But in the morning, the extra manna had spoiled and taken a terrible smell.

There is such a valuable lesson we can take from this. God promises to give us our manna. To provide just what we need for each day. Why is it so easy for us to worry about tomorrow when God promised to provide for today? Matthew 6:34 "don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Our tomorrow will soon enough be our today.

We need to start applying a "manna perspective" in our lives. Trusting God to provide enough strength, energy, perseverance, positivity...etc for today. I wrote the word Manna by my desk as a reminder to keep the "manna perspective." Trusting God, one day at a time.

To touch the world....

2010-08-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

In 14 days, I leave for a 10 day mission trip in Haiti. We are going to be working at a medical clinic in Grand Goave, and building a house for the natives. Our group is made of 27 team members, young and old. It's bound to be an eye-opening and life-changing trip.

We will get back on a late Wednesday night/early thursday morning... and Thursday morning I move in to college to begin that new adventure. Not much time to transition.

I've been told many times that my life is about to drastically change. That it will never be the same. Once I start college, my life will look completely different.

Change.

It can be a frightening word for anybody. Everybody experiences change. "Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal"--Arthur Schopenhauer. It's very easy to settle with what I have right now, and not want to go beyond.

But at the same time, there is something so exciting and enticing about going beyond! "Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it."-- Harry Emerson Fosdick.

Why should I fear change? Change doesn't always precede something bad or worse. "If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."-- Gail Sheehy. I want to really live. I want to be the change that makes somebody's day a better day. I want to make a difference.

I'm going to Haiti, and then I'm off to college. This seems like the perfect opportunity for me to touch the world, and to really live. To live with purpose, the purpose which my Father above has created me with.

I'm ready for change. I love my life right now. I am so grateful for the many blessings that I've been surrounded by my whole life. I believe that if I let God handle this change, it can only make my life all the better.

Change.

It can be a frightening word for anybody. But I am so excited :)

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."-- Mohandas Gandhi

Trusting, not Trying

2010-05-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

There are times when good things happen at the wrong time, which can be hard to digest. I'm torn in two. Fear and the off-timing pull me one way; hope and the potential future-timing tug me the opposite way. My present circumstances versus my future plans and dreams. My "impossible" specks of doubts versus my "possible" glimmer of hope.

This is something I've always struggled with. If God gives us desires, which I believe He does, how are we to know whether our desires our self-made or God-breathed?

My pastor said something in church today that stuck out to me: Faith is not about trying, it's about trusting.

Maybe I don't have to worry about it. Maybe all I need to do is keep handing over my worries and anxieties to my Jesus. I can stop "trying" to figure out all of life on my own, and I need to start "trusting" God to pave my path. God knows the plans He has for me (Jer 29:11). He knows my past, present, and future and how they entwine to form my own personal journey. He sees where my steps are leading.

Faith.

Trusting.

Surrender.

Timing..

God is never late. He never forgets to answer. His timing can not be measured in our units. He knows what is needed, when it is needed.

I trust Him.

Just Keep Climbin'.....

2010-02-17T17:51:00.000-08:00

In the present, some trials and issues can seem epic, larger-than-life.
No matter how big or small the problem is in reality, in the moment, it can seem like a steep, jagged, rocky mountain to climb.

We all have our own mountains that we have to climb.
One mountain may be learning to trust.
One mountain may be forgiving somebody who hurt us.
One mountain may be letting go of the past and embracing the future.
One mountain may be getting through a painful experience.
One mountain may be learning to surrender.
We all have our own mountains that we have to climb.

Beginning to climb a mountain stirs different feelings in different people. But to many, it is a daunting thought. Thankfully, numerous people have taken these mountains before, and therefore we can know that they are surmountable.
It can be fairly discouraging at times to see some people climbing the mountains at a faster speed or more direct route. But we are different people, on different paths. Very few can run straight up the mountain. That path is simply too steep for one to bear. We need to take the mountain at our own pace; yet, we need to constantly be taking another step forward.

At times, we may be lower on the mountain than we were earlier due to the winding in the path. We can't always see where our path is leading. However, we have to trust that the maker of our path did make it to the top. We have to keep looking forward, and take the mountain path one step at a time. As Muhammad Ali put it, "It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe." Climbing the mountain is much easier when you keep getting rid of and keep surrendering the mental and emotional hindrances that weigh you down. With a positive attitude and an enduring determination, a person gets up a mountain a lot faster than someone without.

Mountain climbing takes time, patience, and endurance. Through all the twists and turns, as long as we keep our eyes on the goal and keep moving forward, we will conquer our mountains.
Once we reach the top of the mountain, we can look down and see the twists and the turns that our path brought us on. We can see the obstacles we overcame, which look indubitably smaller from the height we now stand at. We may see other people climbing the same mountain, and should encourage them to keep moving forward.

In the present, some trials and issues can seem epic, larger-than-life.
No matter how big or small the problem is in reality, in the moment, it can seem like a steep, jagged, rocky mountain to climb.

But we are all climbing mountains in our everyday lives. We have all climbed countless mountains already. Each mountain makes us stronger. We can climb our mountains.

In the words of William Blake, "Great things are done when men and mountains meet."

2009-12-29T21:56:00.000-08:00

In all honesty, I’m a terrible dancer….
On my own, I am hopeless on a dance floor. I get nervous, and don’t know what to do. I feel like anything I could even think of doing, could be a failure. Everything ends up being quite choppy and uncoordinated. I’m missing the details that make great dancing so beautiful.
Ever since I was the 6-yr old flower girl in my big brother’s wedding, I have loved dancing with my dad. He takes the lead, so all I have to do is follow. I just let him guide me on the steps and turns. When I dance with him, I feel graceful. The dance looks poise, beautiful, and purposeful.
I've come to see my life as a continual dance.
I can be very stubborn in life. I always ‘need’ to know what I’m doing, when I’m doing it, where I’m doing it, and why I’m doing it. If I’m involved in something, I like to know the details.
I’m constantly trying to look ahead… Trying to figure out the next steps of the dance before I’ve been taught them. I try to figure out what’s, when’s, where’s, and why’s of my life. I want to be the one controlling those things.
But I get so stressed when I try to figure out every aspect of my life… by myself. I get nervous and worried. I don’t know what to do. I start thinking that anything I do could be a failure. I miss the simple joys that make life beautiful.
I know the peace that comes from letting God take the lead. I’ve experienced the beauty, the joy, and the purposefulness that comes from following Him.
And yet, I often find myself trying to lead and determine my own steps…
But when I look at my life… my dance is choppy when I’m in control, it’s stressful and far from beautiful. It lacks peace.
I need to let God take the lead, for then my dance has purpose. It has beauty. It has grace. It has poise. I need to stay in step in with the Lead, and turn as He guides me… I need to let God take the lead.

What If.....

2009-12-01T18:09:00.000-08:00

2 simple words....
....2 seemingly simple words....
........2 seemingly simple words that frequently have come out of my mouth....

What If...
In countless areas of life, these 2 words have begun many questions for me. Often, following the What if, comes the then...
What if (fill in the blank)? Then (fill in the blank).

In the Beth Moore Esther study that I'm going through right now, Beth talks about the "what if" question...

1) What if I choose a career I don't enjoy? Then I'd be depressed and would never want to go to work!
2) What if I get diagnosed with something terrible? Then I'd be devastated and life would lose some of its joy!
3) What if I don't get in to the college I want, or don't get good scholarships? Then, I'll have to go somewhere I really don't want to go, and can't enjoy..
4) What if "the right one" doesn't like me? Then I may be stuck an old maid... forever!

and the questions go on and on... we all ask different what ifs...

Beth Moore stresses that we need to give a new "then" to our "what ifs.."
No matter the "what if," God will still be good, and still be faithful...
We should answer our "what if this," with "then GOD.."

What if I make a bad decision? Then God is still faithful, and still good...

What if a relationship doesn't go the way I hoped? Then God is still faithful, and still good...

What if? Then God...

What if? Then God!!!

This was a huge encouragement for me!

We may fall on our knees sometimes in life, and not understand why things happen, but God is still good. When we're on our knees, we're in the perfect position to pray..

We all have fears. We've all asked What if.. It's not wrong to have fears...

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." ~Ambrose Redmoon

piles of sand

2009-10-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

You're walking along a beach. You bend down, and scoop up a large pile of sand in your hands.. You loosen your fingers, until slowly, the sand begins to slip through your fingers, and falls back into the shore, to its source.....

So many times, I find myself unwilling to let the sand fall back in place. I won't loosen my fingers, I keep a tight grasp on what is not my own.

There are things that we all hold on to tightly. Things that don't necessarily make us happier, or make us better. But things that we are so attached to, that we're afraid to let go of. Afraid that letting go means losing a part of ourselves....

I've come to discover something about myself this past month. When I'm busy, I find it easy to let the sand slide through my fingers. As I run from one activity to another, it seems simple to let go of one handful of sand, and to go grab another. My mind becomes so preoccupied with the next activity, that it doesn't pain me to let the present one slip away. I don't even have to think about it.

However, I've realized that being busy has become a mask. A way for me to put my focus and energy on the tasks that are before me, and to take it off of the things that unsettle me. When my schedule slows down, and I am surrounded by quietness and stillness, I am not wearing a mask.

I have time to think, to process... sometimes too much time.

There are things, (lately something in particular,) that I need to let go of. Piles of sand that I need to let slide through my fingers, back to its source. When I'm running around crazy, doing what I do best, being busy, I actually make myself believe that I've let go, that I've moved on. I become too busy to notice the sand that still lies in my tightly clutched fist.

I came to the realization that I will never be able to let go of that sand, until I truly, sincerely want to. Even though I often wish I wasn't carrying around the sand, that means nothing unless I want to let it go.

By holding on to one pile of sand, I am unable to pick up another pile. I won't be able to enjoy the blessings that I presently have surrounding me if I hang on to the past.

So, that's where I stand... I'm on the beach, looking down at a fist full of sand. I'm loooking at the grains compiled of memories and longings...

I loosen my fingers, until slowly, the sand begins to slip through my fingers, and I watch it fall back onto the shore, to its source.

I loosen my grip, and let the memories and dreams fall into the hands of my Lord.

Now, I can walk the shore, with open hands, and fully enjoy the blessings that surround me..

The Way I See It....

2009-09-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever worn a red or blue pair of sunglasses, I suppose any pair of sunglasses works for this. It gives everything a different shade. When I was a child, I had a pair of red sunglasses. I loved putting them on, and then taking them off, putting them on, then taking them off.. just to see the effect that the color lenses had on my surroundings.

Lately I've let situations overwhelm me. I've let my hope sink into hopelessness, my excitement into dread. I realized that maybe I just have dark tinted glasses on, and that my reactions could be different if I decide to see things differently, to put on a different pair of sunglasses.

In psychology class last year, one of the things we talked about was how we react to situations. We can take a scenario and view it in one of two ways: we can see it as an opportunity, or we can see it as a threat. That's a choice that we can make about any scenario placed before us.

When we choose to view something as an opportunity, the rain can be seen as a place to dance, and the situation can be seen less like "just bad chance." Last year we learned that when we view a situation as an opportunity, we are more productive and optimistic when dealing with that situation. It's like the red sunglasses I had in elementary. A sunset turns a brilliant shades of orange, red and gold.

When we choose to view something as a threat, the rain just feels wet, and we are much more apt to fret. When we view something as a threat, it can become like a festering sore, that simply keeps growing and oozing. It's harder to move and make good of a situation if we view it as a threat. This reminds me of when I was in about second grade, and decided to be really cool and wear my sunglasses inside. Which made surroundings looked gloomy..

So as I face the challenges that are indubitably around the corner, I have a choice. I can wear my dark sunglasses and see the situation as a threat, or I can place my color-vivifying sunglasses upon my face and view the situations as an opportunity.

Footprints...

2009-08-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

There's a poem, that I'm sure many of you have seen. It's called "Footprints in the Sand." This poem has always made me stop and think. As a refresher, the poem begins with the writer saying as we was walking along the beach with the Lord. As he was looking back on his life, sometimes he'd see 1 set of footprints, sometimes there would be 2: 1 belonging to him, the other to Jesus. However, as he continued this walk, he noticed that when it got the rockiest, when the path got the hardest, there was only 1 set of footprints in the sand. He cried out to God, and asked why He would abandon him when the walk got the hardest. Jesus replied by telling him the reason he only saw one set of footprints in the difficult times, was because that was when Jesus was carrying the man..

I love the picture this paints! In Christ, we have a constant companion through the journey of life. Through every celebration, and through every trial, we have Christ... how awesome is that!

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

There's another thing that footprints make me think of though too..

You know how when our feet are wet, we leave footprints as we walk places? I began to picture this as we live our lives.

In every place we go, in everything we do, we leave footprints. People take note of who we are, what we do. Impressions are made, legacies are laid. Even when we think nobody is watching, we leave our footprints.

As a new senior in highschool, this thought really hit me. This year, I have 13 grades of students who are younger than me. Who are looking up to me. As seniors, we're leaving footprints, making paths in the sand.. or in the snow, as we're in MN..

What footprints do I want people to see me make? what footprints am I leaving for people to follow? When I look back on my highschool days in the future, will I be happy with where my footprints have led me?

Everyday, we leave footprints. With everyone we come in contact with and everywhere we go, footprints are made. With every word we speak, a footprint is laid.